i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Randomize
