no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
