her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
