I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
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