This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
