Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
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