I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
you made out with another girl for some wings
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
