I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Randomize
