I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
