the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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