Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
