Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
