Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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