I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
