Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize
