i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
