Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
