i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
