I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
be right there i have to get my cape
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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