I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
