i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
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