dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
