last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
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