Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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