Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
My vagina is very pro this idea
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