I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
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