Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
i barfeds in our rink
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
