I must be too annoying 4 u.
God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
