Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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