just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
