did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
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