bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize