After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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