Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
