You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
