Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I am spending my child support on dildos
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
