Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
