I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
