Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
