while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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