Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Randomize
