This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
