he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
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