There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
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Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
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I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
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