I puked a lego.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
