You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Randomize
