no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
