i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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