This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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