Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
