So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Randomize
