During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
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