Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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