i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
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