do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize
