YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Randomize
