you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
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