Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
