I'm lost and stupid without you.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
