somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
