Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
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