I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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