last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
it's like iHOP with fire
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
