You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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