he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Why did my mother make you get naked?
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