I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Alive.
So much puke
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Randomize
