you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
