i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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