I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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