We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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