I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
