Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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