so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
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There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
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It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.