Texts From Last Night

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  (440): View more from Ohio

  Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing

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  (440): Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing http://tfl.nu/ipht
  Replies (8) Good night (620) Bad night (3258)
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  (954): View more from Florida

  God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.

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  (954): God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through. http://tfl.nu/ylm6
  Replies (28) Good night (877) Bad night (4473)
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  (207): View more from Maine

  Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived

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  (207): Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived http://tfl.nu/2pbp
  Replies (18) Good night (943) Bad night (7476)
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  (980): View more from North Carolina

  i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!

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  (980): i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter! http://tfl.nu/tgxr
  Replies (48) Good night (5580) Bad night (852)
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  (404): View more from Georgia

  dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere

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  (404): dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere http://tfl.nu/lbp8
  Replies (13) Good night (5528) Bad night (900)
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  (347): View more from New York

  I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning

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  (347): I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning http://tfl.nu/a79g
  Replies (10) Good night (4937) Bad night (904)
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  (517): View more from Michigan

  Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.

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  (517): Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops. http://tfl.nu/nf4z
  Replies (9) Good night (4333) Bad night (965)
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  (518): View more from New York

  i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.

  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with

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  (518): i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you. (202): and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with http://tfl.nu/tq5v
  Replies (10) Good night (1693) Bad night (3553)
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  (817): View more from Texas

  Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?

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  (817): Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for? http://tfl.nu/2cqu
  Replies (5) Good night (3774) Bad night (1276)
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  (804): View more from Virginia

  I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone

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  (804): I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone http://tfl.nu/9ph0
  Replies (11) Good night (3009) Bad night (725)
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  (805): View more from California

  Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.

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  (805): Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency. http://tfl.nu/lpqm
  Replies (10) Good night (1848) Bad night (912)
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  (989): View more from Michigan

  These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.

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  (989): These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila. http://tfl.nu/gkow
  Replies (6) Good night (942) Bad night (542)
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  (912): View more from Georgia

  I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.

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  (912): I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe. http://tfl.nu/1u5h
  Replies (12) Good night (2914) Bad night (602)
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  (304): View more from West Virginia

  Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?

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  (304): Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved? http://tfl.nu/lfe1
  Replies (2) Good night (563) Bad night (401)
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  (207): View more from Maine

  Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?

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  (207): Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note? http://tfl.nu/0uql
  Replies (3) Good night (677) Bad night (276)

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