I want to stick my p in your. b.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.