I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.