i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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