so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Randomize
