there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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