Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
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my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
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nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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