I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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