she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
