Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
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Houston, we have a blender
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
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