I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
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