The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Randomize
