At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
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