Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
