remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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