woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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