Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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